Rainstorm

Sitting on the bus to Ottawa, listening to music while the people around me read or talk to friends, we drive through Ontario farmlands that stretch out for miles and as the light fades away a heavy mist starts to turn to rain. Suddenly the sky opens up, and fork lightning flashes ahead, and one by one we disengage - I take off my headphones and suddenly we are together in this small vehicle, sheltered and passing cars on the highway, the quiet murmur of people talking to one another and the rain pounding on us from overhead.

Quitting School and Living in the Moment

Next Saturday I take off for Nova Scotia, where I will be music directing for a small children's music production. I still have a lot of music to learn, but I'm getting to a point where I at least know what songs to prioritize and that is really the most important thing anyway. Then I will drive back to Montreal with two close friends, stuck together on the bench of a U-Haul, get my braces tightened before I head to Toronto to catch my flight to Vancouver. There I will see some of my most favorite people, some of whom I have not seen in years, who I have no idea who they are anymore and who have no idea who I am, but who somehow we know we have lots to talk about still. David and I will be temporarily reunited, will pack up our bags with a few clothes, a tent, and some sleeping bags, and start thumbing it across the country. Oh glorious life.

I'm so much happier since I decided to quit school take some time off school. I feel like for years I've been focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel, pushing and pushing, keeping my eye on the goal, for better or for worse. I couldn't live in the moment because it was too painful. But then suddenly I met someone who was leaving and I didn't have the future anymore, only right now. And although I always kind of knew this was no way to be living, it kind of hit me hard then. And as I settled in to enjoying my life as it is now, the more obvious it became that I needed to make some changes if I really wanted to make the best of it. Now it feels like suddenly I've turned the light on and there was actually no tunnel at all, just a vast expanse of possibilities.

I said goodbye to David yesterday, as he walked through security to his flight to Vancouver. It's been a long time since I've been in any non-long-distance relationship and I've gotta say it's been quite the learning experience. Totally worth the effort though. It was a heartfelt goodbye and I miss him already.

I haven't had a computer at home for the past month or so, so I am vastly out of date with lots of things internet-related. That said, I'm kind of enjoying it, and I think I may go scrape my facebook list for every email address I might need in the next 20 years and then shut it down for good. I was kind of hanging on to it because every once in awhile I get in touch with someone I've been wanting to get back in touch with, but seriously, I have a hard enough time living in the present without getting messages for a million events I don't care to attend and already feel overwhelmed trying to make time for everyone in my very scattered network in Montreal (I should really have a big party so you can all become friends. ok? ok!). So yeah, Facebook's gonna go, in the name of living in the present and wanting to give more attention to the people that are most important to me.

Some of the things I've wanted to blog about during this time but haven't:

- hitchhiking to Gaspe. People were amazingly kind and we even got picked up by a guy who knows my uncle! We camped alongside the highway the first night and then beside the Fleuve at the Sea Shack in Ste-Anne des Monts. photos below.

- Wine and Keys with Wai-Yant. Yuval donated his loft for an evening and we had a small intimate show with our best friends. warm fuzzies all around and I love you all dearly.

- listening to lots of Wormwood. I decided awhile back I wanted to start podcasting so I went on a hunt for the best stuff out there. This is my best find so far. It's so good it's making me think twice about doing it myself... but come on, of course I will.

Photos from the trip to Gaspé!


taking the ferry to Levis from Quebec City


sunset a ways outside Quebec City


stopping for lunch alongside a river


more river




making friends along the way


camping spot outside Ste-Anne des Monts


wind energy along the peninsula. people actually complain about having these things in sight, if you can believe it.

Breakdancing, Introversion

I started taking breakdancing again in January, and it's been awesome. A couple of weeks ago I started Break 2, right after finals and while I tried to find time to get my bike fixed. In other words, I was OUT. OF. SHAPE.

So after missing the first class (again, finals) I went last week, and they worked us pretty damn hard. Then I saw the boy right after.

Me: Oh man, break 2 is AWESOME!!
David: OMG, you're walking with a limp!

haha yeah. So um, methinks it might not be a bad idea to start doing some stretches/strength training every day from now on.

Also, I suck at relationships. I have just been alone too long I think. It's been years that I've been doing all of my favorite things alone, and now I find that relaxing and lets me really let go. Sure, once in awhile I'll invite a friend along, but to really let someone in? frig, it sounds dumb but I have no idea how. Maybe this is okay? though I suspect it's less fulfilling in the long run.

first small adventure

David and I did our first traveling excursion together last weekend, just a hop, skip and a jump from Montreal to Toronto. We thought about thumbing it there, but it was raining and miserable and we got off to a late start, so we opted instead to take the bus.

We left on Monday morning, and it was a beautiful sunny day. In case you're ever thinking about doing the trip, the way to get out of town is to take the subway to Scarborough Center and go under McCowan to the 401 on-ramp. We tried a few spots around and it really was the best. We got two lifts and were home by the evening.



Well that's been the main thing in the last little while. Besides that life is pretty darned good. I finished my semester finally, and am just finishing up a contract for my dad. I am really looking forward to having some time to work on music for me, and am saving up for a ukulele before David and I go across Canada at the end of the summer. Maybe I'll even post some songs up here.

summer plans

I decided awhile back that instead of going back to school and being broke and unhealthily busy for another year that I would take next year off, travel and enjoy Montreal, and work on music projects that have nothing to do with school. Unfortunately life keeps throwing obstacles my way to make finishing this semester more and more difficult - things like strep throat and broken laptops and half my RAM suddenly not working. It's getting kind of ridiculous, and there is only a week left to get everything done.

Meanwhile, I just can't wait for it to be over. I have very little planned for the month of May, and I look forward to having some time for adventures, music, and lying in the sunshine. Full-time work starts in June, then head to Nova Scotia for a month to do some music directing. Finally, I have a one-way ticket to Vancouver at the end of the summer, culminating with a cross-country tour with my boyfriend before he moves to London in the fall.

It should be an interesting few months. Just gotta keep pushing and make this semester mean something.

hello again.

This used to be my audio blog, where I wrote about serious nerd things and talked about the creative process and music-making in general. That is now at natashaduchene.wordpress.com. Here is where I will write about what I'm actually doing in real life, plus maybe a little introspective commentary from time to time.